I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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