WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
