I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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