I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
