yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
