highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize
