What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
