he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Randomize
