Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
