Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
is wine microwaveable?
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
