You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
