The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
