There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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