Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
