And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Found the puke drawer
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
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