he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Randomize
