i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize