Dude my mom stole all your condoms
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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