New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
