He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
