I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Watching her eat just hurts me
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
