we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
