Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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