It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize