I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
