i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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