I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Randomize
