And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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