I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
