I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
