Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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