I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize
