dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
