I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
