Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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