FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
