i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
just tell him i said nine months
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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