is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
