i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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