i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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