It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
