Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
