i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
