i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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