Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
