I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Randomize
