So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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