Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Do vagina's smell?
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
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