He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Randomize
