I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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