meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
