I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
