I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
