Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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