Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
