The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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