Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
