it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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