take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
