I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
i think my cat just said my name.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
