No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
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