I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
