Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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