Already got asked if we're dating
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
