All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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