he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
