I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
