and she was petting her beer can
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
