i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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