I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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