Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Randomize
