i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
