Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Randomize
