God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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