Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Randomize
