Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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