Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize
