i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
