the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
