it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
