i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
