You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
