and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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