Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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