she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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