We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
