Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
