My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
