dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
