I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Randomize
