i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
