Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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