just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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