Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Randomize
