Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
