Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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