It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize