Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
