My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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