I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
